By Small and Simple Means

So this blog post is one I actually started writing on October 18. I didn't finish it, but I wanted to still post it because sometimes we forget that God loves us and that he hears and answers our prayers. Even if it is in small and simple means. Here is an example of Heavenly Father showing me that he loves me, even though he didn't take away my trial. He helped to carry the burden and helped me see that he loves me and that he knows I can handle what he gives me. He gives me these trials to become stronger and closer to him. I hope this can help someone else who is also struggling with any kind of trial.

October 18, 2017
This is going to be a bit more personal of a blog post, and I'm sorry if it seems jumbled up because I don't really know how to write about it. I'm feeling extra grateful tonight and so that is why I am writing. Mostly because I don't want to forget the love God gives me and the prayers he answers even while I am in the middle of a rough patch. I want to remember that even if he doesn't take away something hard it doesn't mean he isn't listening and isn't there for me. So I'm sorry, I'm writing this for me so I don't forget. But, to whoever is reading this, I hope you get something out of it and learn about the love God has for you, me, and every single person on this planet.

Let's just do some real talk here. Some of you who know me might know that I have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. Well it kind of comes and goes and for the most part I have learned how to deal with it, and I am generally a pretty happy person. But, the past month or so it has been rough. It feels as though every day I have this pit in my stomach that doesn't go away. I worry about so many things like not being good enough, making mistakes, the disasters that have been going on, what the future holds, where we will live, raising a family one day, careers, etc. Things just kind of build up. Yet, a lot of the time when I think, "What am I worried about?" my answer will be, "I don't know". Because even though there are things I worry about, sometimes I am just anxious. It could be for no reason at all. But it's been building up and I have just been trying to be tough and not let it get to me. Which didn't really work. And Tuesday I just kind of broke. Seth works with the young men and he left for mutual and as soon as he went I went in to our room and just prayed. And I cried. I told Heavenly Father that I haven't felt him for a long time and I couldn't feel his love. I felt like he wasn't listening to me. I talked to him about how I didn't feel good enough. I begged him to let me just have peace and to take away the anxiety and pit in my stomach. I begged him to show me that he loved me. And then I waited. The anxiety was still there and nothing really changed. I felt a tiny bit better but I think that was because I had just released so much emotion that had been bottled up for a while.

So I went about my night as normal. The next day right after work I got a text from my mom. Little does she know, she was the answer to my prayer from the night before. She sent me a simple little text that said, "Can I come have dinner with you tonight?" So she came up and we went to dinner. We talked and laughed and then we went back to my house. The two of us sat cuddled up on the couch and I felt like I was my 7 year old self again. We sat and watched Gilmore Girls like we would at least twice a week my senior year of high school. I felt lighter. I felt comforted just like when I was a child. And I knew that this was God answering my prayer from the night before. He was showing me that he loved me and that I would be okay by sending me my mom, who had no idea I had been struggling. We didn't talk about my anxiety a single time while she was up here visiting. In fact, I hadn't mentioned to her that I had been having anxiety at all this month. Even though she didn't know what I was feeling at that time, she came right when I needed her the most. She had no idea the impact that night had on me, nor did she know she was the answer to my prayer.

Here I was expecting and hoping for a huge miracle because I had just poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father that I needed him and I needed to know he was there. I had told him how badly I was struggling. In the end it wasn't a huge miracle I needed. And He knew that. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew I would feel him there and his love through my mom's selfless and Christlike small act of service.

God didn't take away my trial. But he lifted me and made me stronger and is there with me to carry it. Sometimes I forget he is there and I feel alone. But I have found when I am willing to be humble and reach for him and let him in he is always there. He has never left. He loves me, He loves you, and He loves everyone on this earth. He listens when we pray to him and he answers them, even if it's in a way we don't expect. Because HE knows the answer that we NEED. If anyone has felt this way before I hope reading this could help you. Don't forget we are in this together! Also if you have a prompting or feeling to do something for someone, DO IT. You never know if you are an answer to their prayer or if they need you at that moment. What a better place we would live in if everyone was serving each other and willing to help each other out.